Prioritizing Your Life |
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| Are you someone who struggles to get your life in order? Do you find yourself feeling you need an extra week to catch up? Despite your best intentions to get things done, do you find yourself not getting to the things you want due to feeling you have to get other things done first? Do you start many things at once and flit from one thing to another, feeling more overwhelmed than anything else? There are several factors that may contribute to your dilemma which need to be explored and addressed. The resolution of this problem depends upon which dynamics are at play. | ||
| Trying to be perfect due to unrealistic expectations may keep you working longer at things than is necessary. If you grew up with parents that were hypercritical or who were perfectionists, you may also work extra hard to make things “just so” in order to “pass inspection.” Sometimes, trying too hard at any one thing makes a person very inefficient. We all want to do a job “well done.” But if you find that you take an inordinate amount of time compared to others to do the same good job, you may be obsessing about details and taking extra long to do things out of fear that if you do it any other way, you will “screw up” and do a disappointing job for someone. | ||
| If you are someone who is always trying to please others to be liked, accepted, or whatever, you may put off your own needs in favor of taking care of the needs of others. | ||
| We all have things we need to do. We have chores. We have appointments to make for our physical and emotional needs as well as those of our children. We have bookkeeping, paper work, mail sorting, dog grooming, cat care, housekeeping, and home repairs. True friends and reasonable people do understand that you cannot always be there or help them with their things when you have a full plate to tend to at your own home. It is truly okay to say no. | ||
| It is easy to put off these things in order to be social, or to get exercise. But, when putting off these things becomes uncomfortable or interrupts daily functioning, it is best to restrict fun things until the mundane but necessary things are completed. Just like not being allowed to play until your homework is done or not being allowed to eat desert before the main meal, we have to place limits on ourselves. You will feel better about enjoying your social life and personal joys when you have accomplished some goals that you have set in place that make your daily functioning more organized and comfortable. | ||
| Sometimes starting many projects at once reflects a person who has a great deal of heart and motivation, but who is unable to focus. This could be a sign of Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. Procrastination, inefficiency, high degree of distractibility, difficulty getting started, organized, or following through are just some of the many symptoms that make up the profile of a person with Attention Deficit Disorder. I cannot address this in full here, but will refer you to a great book by Hallowell and Ratey called, Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder from Childhood through Adulthood which may help you assess this further on your own. | ||
| If you find yourself spending so much time on little things that you don’t get to more important things, ask yourself what is most important to you for now. If you can get a job done faster and not suffer the consequences of it not being good enough, then do not try so hard to do it perfectly. If you have a pile of summer clothes to iron in the fall months, and you have an opportunity to go to a play you have wanted to see with friends, go to the play. If you have been laid off and you need to get to the unemployment office but have to see a headhunter, get to the unemployment office first thing and see the headhunter after. You need to get the income rolling and have the bird in hand before you go after a potential job. If you have a child who is counting on your love and attention to feel important for a special occasion or a promise you made, make that a priority. Breaking a promise to a child unnecessarily could have lifetime repercussions related to trust. | ||
| Take a mental inventory of what is most important to you in your life. Write that inventory down. Next, make a list of what things you need to do in order to make that lifetime wish list come true. Next, make a list of the daily chores you must get done, versus the things you want to get done. The must list should always override the want list unless the want list related to a top priority in your life such as your spouse, mate, family or children. In certain circumstances, the needs of others should override your own—times of crisis, neediness, desire for surprise and spontaneity that creates needed joy. Otherwise, set appropriate limits on yourself and others when you have things that you need to do to meet your goals. | ||
| When you find yourself not getting to the important things in life such as emotional connection and physical contact in intimate relationships, rest and relaxation, quality time with your family, health related needs, or important career deadlines, you must prioritize your life. The most important things relate to your emotional and physical well-being. Everything else must follow. |
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This article was written by Dr. Laurel A. Sills, a Fully Licensed Clinical Psychologist (since 1987) and Life Coach. She provides direct, down-to-earth, short-term therapy with long-term results. She is passionate in her work and will help you stay motivated to change your life with regular commitment to changing habits in thinking and behaving. See her website at: www.DrLSills.com or www.BuildAStrongerYou.com |
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Copyright 2006© Laurel A. Sills, Psy.D. All rights reserved Back to Articles |