Holiday Vulnerabilities |
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| The countdown to Christmas has started. People check their calendars to see what date Hanukkah starts this year. Chinese restaurant owners and workers prepare for the influx of people going out to eat on Christmas. Storeowners work extra long hours; decorating, making the merchandise most tempting to buyers; tying to sell as much as possible at this demanding time of year. People fight the elements to put up their lights. Houses are coifed, decorated, repaired, and made as presentable as possible for company that will soon arrive. Anticipation is strong. Expectations are high. Everyone is busy. | ||
| This is exciting. It can be wondrous. For many, it is a delightful time of year-- full of fun, spirit, warmth and enchantment. For others, it is a dreadful time of year; a time to feel alone, a time to anguish over empty or troubled relationships, a time to wonder how to handle conflicting feelings regarding obligations. | ||
| For people that are alone, this time can exacerbate feelings of isolation, loneliness, self-doubt, and alienation. Depression is very common because of this. Any unresolved issues about self-esteem, why one is alone, will get magnified if we let them. Faulty thinking or self-talk can turn the most neutral situation into a hurtful, volatile, disaster. Family relationships come under the microscope. Families expect their members to reunite just because they are supposed to do so at this time of year. But, when the reality is that those relationships are damaging, hurtful or toxic, it is not in one’s best interest to go home. | ||
| If you feel disrespected in your family, abused emotionally, verbally, or physically due to lack of consideration, alcoholism, self-focused relatives, angry, reactive or depressed relatives that are difficult to be around, it is truly your choice to decide whether or not you want to spend your holiday with them. As adults, we have the freedom to choose what is best for ourselves. This includes our spirit, our pocketbook and our physical welfare. | ||
| Sometimes, it is best to say, “No” to invitations when you feel internal dread about the idea of attending something that you think you should attend rather than want to attend. Listen to your gut about this. Gracefully decline an invitation and tell a white lie if you feel you must to excuse yourself from going. Do not let others pressure you into doing things or going places with which you are not comfortable. If you do, you will likely resent both them and you. | ||
| Gift giving is another representation of problems. It is not the gift that causes problems, it is the way gifts are given, the intent behind them, the expectations that go with them, or major differences in the equity of them that carry conflict. Give gifts that come from your heart. Do not about what you may or may not get back in return. Be genuine to your own values and feelings towards others. Be considerate of others’ feelings if you give a gift to one and not to another. Be thoughtful about how people do feel left out. A card, a small item can say, “I care” without having to be elaborate. If you know that a person has sensitivities about money, give a small loving gift and say how much it means to you to give it and that you have no expectations. Help them feel gracious in accepting something you give from your heart without feeling embarrassed or that they owe you. | ||
| Make your holiday special to you. Take care of yourself. If you are alone, make plans for yourself to do what you like to do. Visit the people you like to visit. Volunteer. Have people come over. Buy yourself the presents you want and can afford. Make your own traditions. You may have to create a new sense of family with groups or friends that are not related if your family relationships are full of strife. No person can be in more than one place at a time. If you are feeling stressed by wanting to please others to be at several houses in one day, then just say, “I would love to see you but I cannot due to other obligations. It just won’t be possible. When can we plan to get together at a time that works best for us both?” | ||
| Make this holiday your holy day. Be congruent with yourself. Be kind to your soul and to others that you love. You are your own sanctuary and this is a time to celebrate your own beliefs. | ||
| Happy Holidays. | ||
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This article was written by Dr. Laurel A. Sills, a Fully Licensed Clinical Psychologist (since 1987) and Life Coach. She provides direct, down-to-earth, short-term therapy with long-term results. She is passionate in her work and will help you stay motivated to change your life with regular commitment to changing habits in thinking and behaving. See her website at: www.DrLSills.com or www.BuildAStrongerYou.com |
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Copyright 2006© Laurel A. Sills, Psy.D. All rights reserved Back to Articles |